Zeegrade Reviews

Zeegrade Reviews
Movies for scumbags.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Gotham Shitty

     Took my kids to Six Flags Great America the other day.  For the most part, the rides were fun.  On the opposite side of that "fun" spectrum is "The Dark Knight Coaster".  I don't like to make excuses for terrorists, I leave that for The New York Times, but if some yahoo went on a killing spree and the reason for said spree was "waiting an hour in line for The Dark Knight Coaster" then I might be inclined to cut him or her a little slack.
     Imagine putting yourself in a cardboard box.  Now, imagine some urban "youths" hitting your cardboard coffin with baseball bats.  Every once in a while something might flash in front of your face like when you get punched really hard.  I believe I saw what was supposed to be the Joker at one point but my fucking car jerked me around a corner so goddamn hard my neck nearly broke.  When my eight year-old son said after the "ride" that it fucking sucked, I, in good conscience, couldn't yell at him because he was absolutely correct.  I can't even imagine what the fuck was going through the minds of the assholes that conceived of this abomination:
          Douchebag #1: "We got this shitty indoor coaster but no gimmick to sell it."
          Douchebag #2: "We'll slap anything on it.  What are the kids into these days?"
          Douchebag #1:  "Internet porn is always popular.  Oh yeah, and Obama too!"
          Douchebag #2:  "Fuck that!  The porn is a maybe.  What else?"
          Douchebag #1:  "There is this new game at the arcades called Pac-Man."
          Douchebag #2:  "Jeezus, when was the last time you went out?  What movies are playing?"
          Douchebag #1:  "The Love Guru, Drillbit Taylor and Speed Racer."
          Douchebag #2:  "Oh for fucks sake just call it Batman!"
          Douchebag #1:  "You realize we already have a Batman ride, right?"
          Douchebag #2:  "You realize that I've been banging your wife for years, right?"

Yeah, that's the about the gist of it. 

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