Zeegrade Reviews

Zeegrade Reviews
Movies for scumbags.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned (1980)

     They should've called this one Everybody Hates Dracula.  The one and only film collaboration  of Marvel Comics and Harmony Gold who produced the popular 1980's series RobotechDracula: SOTD is based on Marvel's 70-issue series The Tomb of Dracula crammed into an hour-and-a-half film.  That's what makes this such a clusterfuck of a movie.
     Dracula snatches Satan's bride-to-be and eventually falls in love with her.  Dracula has enemies.  A lot of enemies:

  1. Satan himself for stealing his virgin trim.
  2. Satan's minions who apparently run a Satanic dating service.
  3. A trio of vampire hunters consisting of a dude in a wheelchair, Van Helsing's daughter and an asshole named Frank Drake that will use martial arts to capture Dracula which seems kinda silly since Dracula has superhuman strength.
  4. Dracula's dead son, who was killed as a baby, resurrected by God Himself and turned into a tights-wearing superhero named Janus with a blond bowl haircut. 
  5. God.  You didn't think He was gonna sit the sidelines did you?
  6. Dracula's fellow Transylvania vampires.  Fucking ingrates.
  7. Lilith, who resents Dracula and refuses to help him when he loses his powers.  By the way, she's also nude in this:
 "I've got some solid wood for you vampire!"

Dracula SOTD moves at breakneck speeds to get all of these various plots into one cohesive movie and it fails on so many levels.  At times, Dracula is presented as a sympathetic character capable of love until a second later he kills an innocent woman for her blood.  It's like this fucker is bi-polar!  At one point Satan takes his powers so Dracula decides to hide out in New York City.  It doesn't help in the least that he still is dressed is his gaudy attire.  Lower those collars dude!  Dracula has to mug a couple so he can pay for a bite to eat:

 Dracula: Sovereign of the Fuddruckers

This is probably one of the most unintentionally funny movies I've ever seen.  I highly recommend inviting some friends over to watch this with a few adult libations.  I already have a drinking game.  Anytime a character's eye does this:

take a shot.  You'll be trashed in no time. 

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