Zeegrade Reviews

Zeegrade Reviews
Movies for scumbags.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Island of Death (1977)

     We've become pretty desensitized to violence thanks to movies such as Saw, Hostel and The Human Centipede so to view Island of Death in today's context, especially to anyone under the age of thirty, might seem kinda silly.  Make no bones about it though, Island was a nasty piece of work that shocked the shit outta audiences in the late seventies.  This is the very epitome of an exploitation film. 
     Lovers, Christopher and Celia arrive on the Greek Island of Mykos and decide to stay there for awhile after falling in love with their surroundings.  After securing an apartment, Christopher feels the need to calls his mum in England (he speaks with an American accent) from a phonebooth and make her listen as he has sex with Celia.  She's not pleased:

 "Honey, put the receiver closer to your balls."

The next morning Christopher is looking for an early piece from Celia but she's having none of that.  He wanders into the garden.  He sees a goat.  Yep, it's THAT kinda movie:

When he's done he slits its throat.  Can't leave any witnesses in animal court now can you.  Let me add here that Christopher is a hard-core Christian (bestiality no longer a sin?) and he uses this to execute divine judgement on the various sinners he comes across.  First is a French painter that he makes Celia seduce.  They crucify him:

Sherman Williams died for your interior painting sins.

Still alive, the couple drown him in his own paint all the while snapping photos of the act.  Christopher's batshit insane puritanical terror continues when they are invited to a gay wedding.  The fucker that invited him looks just like Tiny Tim.  Later that evening Christopher hacks Tiny Tim open with a sword while Celia makes his younger lover deep-throat her pistol:

Gay porn for NRA members.

She pulls the trigger.  The bodies begin to pile up as an aging hussy is pissed on then decapitated with a bulldozer, a lesbian bartender is given an overdose of heroin then her face burned, two rapist hippies are killed and a black detective is given a plane ride:

Damn flying Negroes!

This is like Rick Perry's wet dream!  The funny thing is, when they're not killing people, Christopher and Celia act like a normal couple on holiday with sightseeing and trips to the beach.  Eventually the heat turns up and the couple is forced to flee from their apartment into the countryside.  Tired and hungry, they meet a semi-retarded Greek goat-herder who provides them a place to sleep that night.  The next morning the goat-herder rapes Celia then beats Christopher who, after taking photos of the act, tries to fight him off.  He loses the fight and his anal virginity:

 This is called a Grecian Hello.

Something stirs Celia during this act and she becomes attracted to the rapist brute.  Christopher gets beaten some more and tossed into a limestone pit where he's buried up to his chest.  He begs Celia for help which she refuses and then comes the shocker, she's really his sister!  Bravo!  The rains began to fall and Christopher melts away while Celia gets buggered again.  A clean shower can't wash the filth off you when the credits roll.  You need to shed your skin as well. 

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