Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)

     Why would God's adversary need cheerleaders?  While you ponder that thimble deep query let me address this misleading title.  Yes, there are cheerleaders — a whopping four of them in fact.  No, they are not aligned with nor affiliated in any way to the theological enemy of all humanity.  If you were expecting a campy romp used as an excuse to get young, pretty actresses to disrobe, you'll be left limper than Rock Hudson was in Pretty Maids All in a Row.  After sitting down and watching it, I still have no clue what director Greydon Clark — responsible for one of MST3K's most famous episodes, Angels' Brigade —  was trying to accomplish as there seems to be two completely different types of movies presented here that eventually collide together like two shopping carts in Wal-Mart's chip aisle.

Curse IV (1988)

     I know what you're thinking.  How the hell are there four Curse movies?  First, calm the fuck down — I'm not the one responsible for this.  Second, these four films have nothing to do with one another, not unlike the Beyond the Door series. 

Black Candles (1982)

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Demonoid (1981)

     Fuck this movie right in its ass.I've had this one for a few years and it looked interesting when I saw the trailer.  The first few minutes seem to confirm that as two dudes in yellow Klansman outfits chop the left hand off a blond broad with her robe torn open and her jugs shaking everywhere.  Occasionally you get a flash of what possibly could be the devil himself:

Seytan (1974)

     Take a Turkish scene-by-scene ripoff of The Exorcist, play "Tubular Bells" ad nauseum, and remove any hint of Western theology so as to not offend "the religion of peace" and you get this boring tripe. 

Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned (1980)

     They should've called this one Everybody Hates Dracula.  The one and only film collaboration  of Marvel Comics and Harmony Gold who produced the popular 1980's series Robotech.  Dracula: SOTD is based on Marvel's 70-issue series The Tomb of Dracula crammed into an hour-and-a-half film.  That's what makes this such a clusterfuck of a movie.